ekvu

Love until you hate

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 00:10:00 -0800

Time and experiences change people. For three and a half years I’ve been on Tumblr and it brought an incredible amount of pictures, quotes, jokes, and stories to light. All of which, with in conjunction to real life experiences, helped me grow. And it’s time for me to stop.

Ever since my first year in school when I was five, I spent a good amount of my time alone. And throughout the years, as life went on, I went on to meet people and spend more and more of my time with others. Though some of the people I really liked, I generally didn’t like spending time with others. I always felt as though I didn’t belong. And it’s true. I didn’t. I’m always second rate. Never anyone’s first option. I went along my life being a hindrance to everyone. A few years ago I was given a choice, a choice between my own desires and the desires of the ones that mattered. I was too young and selfish to give up my own wants and needs and everything began to fall together. Everything fell in perfect accordance towards misery. And still, young and stupid, I thought nothing of it. I lived behind a curtain that hid it all. Years passed and everything slowly came to light. I’m a terrible person. And I knew that. I knew I needed to change. And I did.

Yet, all the hard work, dedication, and honestly in the world will never be able to get you what you want. It’s all luck. Who you are, who you can be, and what you will be, it’s all based on the parents we were born to, the genes you were born with, and the time you were born into. We live in a society that is so locked in on supporting those who already have it all, but not locked in allowing those who have something to keep whatever little they have.

But those who have yet to lose out, to know agony, to lose the ones they care about. They are the ones that miss experiences that humble a person as well as change a person’s viewpoint on the world. They will remain to be intolerant of themselves as well as of the people around them. They will never be satisfied. Taking for granted everything they have, regardless of what they may say. Because it’s true, actions do speak louder than words. Ever since kindergarten we’ve known that. No one cared about what someone had to tell about what they brought to show.

So I will continue to try because I am still not the person I want to be. But as someone would say, “Trying means failing.” But failing knowing failure adds to life and is the only way to make progress. Why live a life with one successful moment after another? You’ll never know what hard work is and the happiness you get from finally succeeding.